The Pious Puritan and the Savage

         This was a stealth job. So incredibly stealth-neither of the future lovers even knew they existed or that I existed for that matter. This is the young couple's lovely wedding picture. 

Keaton and Bride

I was on my day off and ready for some entertainment. This soon-to-be-success story was a job of love, a bit of charity for the poor, hopelessly in love. She a pious Amish beaut with no pictures to boot and he, a scoundrel of the high wire (with two million self-indulgent photographs) This entire affair occurred in a haunted museum and ended blessedly before closing time. 

The City Museum

I arrived without the aid of Ling Ho, my new secretary 
(He's a model for Walmart) 

 Single + very rich = Ling Ho

I was watching the circus perform and eating fried pickles on a stick, when I saw my next.......assignment. He looked lonely for love. 

(A bit of a let down after Ling Ho)
I present Keaton the Savage

In his funny hat and his awkward smile, I knew he was alone in life and in need of the perfect mate. Anxiously I began to glance around and search for his true companion. One of my number one rules from my number one book on love....is.......

In bookstores near you

1. Opposites Attract 




I knew this to be true. ( My personal statement: "Once you go black, you can never go back."...) 


So, I began to brutally evaluate the populace for the right one, the opposite one. And then, hiding outside, nervously peering in at Keaton from behind the glass.....

This isn't actually her.....
(Ling Ho took this beautiful image on vacation at an Amish Theme Park)
(They have hourly buggy races and a bearded roller coaster.....no questions asked)  

I set impenitently to work. I waited till the circus was done, flinging themselves upon the crowds, to set up the "meeting". It was to be perfect, especially the locale. Preferably the dark alley behind the circus, where Keaton would save his lovely nun.

Now-to get her into the alley. I quickly went to Art City, sculpted a small crawling child....

I named it Waxy the Wayward  Waif

I put a leash on Waxy and tiptoed out the back stage door, leaving ajar.....Waxy inside, ready to spring my trap. I knew, being a good Amish girl, she'd follow Waxy to her death. Then, I'd lock the door and she'd surely call for help. When, of course, Keaton would rescue fair maiden. 


It went completely according to plan until.....

I didn't plan on the Idiot jumping from the eighth floor window

But the beauty saw the brainless act as an act of true, pure love. She rushed to the poor boy's broken side and quickly sent a carrier pigeon off to 911. 

His name is Alfred Palmer

After eighteen months in the hospital and the three months of Keaton trying to explain that he'd actually been performing a flip and he fell out the window.....they fell in love and both converted....to Buddhism. A move I do not endorse or suggest. 

They now wear robes and live in a Yurt

But they are living happily ever after and......I am now keeping Waxy on my desk, another memento of a job well done. All in a day's work.....back to my house for a good long nap. 

I'm considering getting Yurt as a summer cottage........